Working notes for comedy play entitled ‘The Midgie Raker’ 17 January 1996 First thoughts: Based around a man who rakes in the middens in Glasgow, his wife (who is separated from him) and his well-to-do daughter, who always thinks the best of him, no matter what he does, but who always tries, in vain, to get him to stop raking in the middens. Conceptual roles: Character Age? Actor? Name? The Midgie Raker 60 Rikki Fulton Chas Wishart His Wife 55 Dorothy Paul Maggie Wishart Daughter 30 Elaine Collins Belinda Patterson (nee Linda Wishart) Son-in Law 35 Tony Roper Edward Patterson Son 25 Willie Melvin Boaby Wishart Relationships: Chas Wishart is easy going, even though his wife has left him. He doesn’t care less. He has a relationship with Maggie Wishart much like George & Mildred, and is quite happy to be living alone in the old marital home, a council flat in an estate which has gone really downhill since Maggie left. He is the main character. He loves his daughter Linda, and gladly accepts any hospitality she gives him, but thinks her husband, Edward Patterson, is a big stuck-up idiot. Edward thinks he is a scruff, but to please his wife continually calls him ‘Daddy’ and tries to encourage him to move upmarket. He is a solicitor, who is always on the brink of being made a partner. Linda thinks her Daddy can’t do a thing wrong, but is always trying to get him to stop raking, and get himself a nice place to live. This causes a lot of tension between Linda and her mother, who has given up on him. Linda continually defends him to her mother, which causes arguments. The son, Boaby, is a ne’er-do-well, and a bit of an over-achiever who hasn’t achieved anything. A Willie Melvin type character who has dreams but just can’t seem to ever bring them off. He continually tries to involve his father in his money-making schemes, but Chas seems more often than not to be the problem with them. Boaby hates the stuck up ways of his sister, and her husband. He loves his mother, but she always nags him to do something with his life, and not be like his father. Potential plots: Computer Chas finds laptop computer in a midden. He tries to sell it down the pub to no avail. Boaby decides to learn how to use it - he wants to use it to win at horse-racing. Linda wants him to take it to the police. Boaby gets a hold of a betting program for the computer and they start winning lots of money, but a local bookmaker and his wife come round with a couple of heavies and confiscate the computer. Boaby is heartbroken and goes out to ride the roads on his moped. While round the back of the bookies, Chas happens to see the wife cuddling one of the heavies through a back door. He confronts them, but as they are talking, the husband’s big flashy car pulls up outside, and the wife begs Chas to distract him while they get ready. Chas refuses, but she offers him his computer back. Chas hides behind his back as he gives the bookie some verbal abuse as he gets out of his car, thus distracting him. As the bookie pushes past him, he rejoices at the return of the computer. The bookie turns round to continue the conversation, and Chas has to quickly put the computer behind him. Just at that moment, Boaby, with tears streaming from his face drives past and knocks the computer flying - it smashes on the road. Computer Cast CHAS WISHART Rikki Fulton MAGGIE WISHART Dorothy Paul LINDA PATTERSON Elaine Collins EDWARD PATTERSON Tony Roper BOABY WISHART Willie Melvin* POSH MAN ? POSH WOMAN ? 1ST MAN IN PUB ? 2ND MAN IN PUB ? BOOKMAKER IAIN CUTHBERTSON HIS WIFE ? HEAVY 1 ? HEAVY 2 ? Scene 1: The back green of a tenement building. Daytime. As initial credits roll, ‘The Midgie Raker’ - Chas Wishart - an older man in dirty raincoat and cloth bunnet can be seen digging in the rubbish bins of a tenement building. He pulls out a sardine tin from the rubbish, and carefully extracts a sardine. The expression on his face reveals that he is pleased with his find, and he wraps the small fish in a handkerchief, puts it in his pocket, and continues raking. A voice can be heard faintly coming from one of the tenement windows. POSH WOMAN: (voice) Gavin? Gavin? Zoom to close-up on one of the windows. Scene 2: The front room of a posh Glasgow tenement house. Daytime. A professional-looking young man is tapping away at a portable laptop computer, facing us. His wife can be heard shouting for him from another room. She is decorating the other room. Sheets and a pasting table can be seen in the background. They both speak in ‘Kelvinside’ accents. POSH WOMAN: (voice) Gavin? Gavin! Can you come here a minute? POSH MAN: Yes dear. In a wee minute. I’ll be finished soon. (continues typing) A moment passes. POSH WOMAN: (voice) Gavin! Are you coming? This wallpaper will be dry before you get here! POSH MAN: Yes dear. A minute. (continues typing) Another moment passes. The man is still typing. POSH WOMAN: (voice, more angry) Gavin! Will - you - come - here! Aaaaargh! A crashing sound is heard from the next room. The pasting table collapses, and the posh woman emerges, covered in paste, a strip of wallpaper wrapped around her neck and back. She approaches the man, who does not notice her approach. She is livid. POSH MAN: (still typing and oblivious to the accident) I’ll be right there, dear. The woman grabs the computer away from the man, who gets a fright. Her ‘Kelvinside’ accent has gone, replaced by a more vernacular slang. POSH WOMAN: Ah’ve had enough o you an’ this stupit computer! (throws computer in bin bag) POSH MAN: (Aghast) Darling! Dear! Please! The woman throws the strip of wallpaper in the bag on top of the computer, ties it up and takes it out to the rubbish. Scene 3: The back green of a tenement building. Daytime. The posh woman is seen emerging from the close and approaching the midden. She opens the bin lid and dumps the back bag in. She rubs her hand, nodding, with a stern, though satisfied expression. In the background, ‘the midgie raker’ Chas Wishart, can be seen emerging from the midden of the next back-green. He sees the woman, and hides until she’s gone A moment later, he appears at the midden. He opens the bag, pulls out the brand new flock wallpaper with a puzzled look. CHAS: Look at that, well. It’s amazing what these well-to-do folk chuck oot these days.... He sees the computer in the bag (Close-up on computer) CHAS: Oh mammy! Will ye look at this wee beauty! (He lifts the computer from bag) In the name o.... Something like this could be worth a lot of money. (presses some keys) If I could just get a picture, mibbies ah could catch a swatch of the racing.... He looks up at the window, and furtively sneaks away Scene 4: The lounge bar of a public house. Daytime. Chas is in mid sales pitch, trying to sell the computer to a couple of his cronies standing at the bar. Both men are heavily built, layabout types, sipping a pints of heavy at the bar. Both are unshaven and untidy. CHAS: Something like this would cost ye a lot of money to buy from a shop. 1st MAN: Aye, but I never buy anything from shops. Big McLatchie gets me anything I want. He got me a nice new video camera last night - cut price - Look. He reveals video camera which has obviously been stolen from some city-centre surveillance point - it has stickers for Strathclyde Police on the side of it, and two large infra-red lamps either side. CHAS: That’s nae use to man nor beast - look - (points) - there’s nowhere to pamp the video tape in. 1st MAN puts the camera down again, shaking his head. CHAS: Anyways....that’s no the point. What a man like you needs - a man about town such as yerself - is a thing like this (points at computer) 2nd MAN: But what is it, well? CHAS: You mean you don’t know what this is? BOTH MEN: Naw! CHAS: (shaking head) Well I wish ah did. Chas leaves the pub. Scene 5: The Wishart living room. Daytime. Boaby (the son) is tinkering with the computer, showing Chas what it is. Linda (daughter) is standing at the window, fiddling with the tie-backs on the velvet curtains. LINDA: I really wish you would move out of this area, Dad. It’s not the place it used to be when we were children. CHAS: What do you mean? When we moved here, the neighbours complained that you and your brother were bringing the area down. A couple of right tearaways you were. Your mother was always apologising to the neighbours. LINDA: But Daddy, we never held up the ice-cream van with air rifles when we were ten. Scene 6: Street. Daytime. A gang of very young children hold-up a fat Italian ice-cream van assistant. One of the children fills up a black bag with crisps and ice-lollies. Scene 7: The Wishart living room. Daytime. CHAS: Ah like it here. Anyways, this is your mother’s home. When she comes back tae me.... LINDA: Come back to this, Dad? This dump? (indicates room) Why don’t you come and live with me and Eddie? We’ve got the room all ready..... CHAS: That big stumor. Ach.... BOABY: Aye, away wi ye, you’re just a big snob since ye married that big drip.... LINDA: We’re no snobs. (pouts) When are you going to get yourself a falt of your own Robert? If ye stay here much longer, you’ll be fighting Daddy for a place in the pension queue at the post office.