The Odd Brown Shoe of Wullie McGrew

Way down in the alleys of old Katmandu
Lived a dirty Glaswegian named Wullie McGrew
And he baffled the the natives and fakirs he knew
With his odd winklepickers, one brown and one blue
And though he was questioned by foolish and wise
About his odd footwear, he told them no lies
He said "It's ma secret" to answer their cries
Glaswegian behaviour, they had to surmise

So the foolish behaviour of Wullie McGrew
Became common knowledge, and everyone knew
That he went for a walk every night at half two
In his odd winklepickers, one brown and one blue
But at last, overcome with the smell of our man
The head of the village concocted a plan
He would follow old Wullie to see where he ran
"I'll find out his trick if I possibly can"

So later, the gleam of the silver moonlight
Revealed the mad Scot making off in the night
Through the forest went Wullie to left and to right
And behind him the fakir kept him in his sight
But soon Wullie stopped by the banks of a stream
And there in a cave was a glittery gleam
More silver and gold than the fakir could dream
Lying there for the taking, or so it would seem

He waited to see what old Wullie would do
With his odd winklepickers, one brown and one blue
But then fog came upon him, he couldn't see through
And when it had lifted he still had no clue
But Wullie had gone and the treasure was there
So the fakir went in to the glittery lair
But a trap had been laid with the utmost of care
An elephant's arse hung six feet from the stair

And as the old fakir went into the store
The elephant's arse give a terrible roar
And ten tons of diarrhoea fell to the floor
And soon the old fakir could take it no more
Then soon when the deluge had petered a bit
He crawled out from under the world's biggest shit
And then he heard laughs from the mouth of the pit
As Wullie McGrew luaghed himself to a fit

The fakir was puzzled and covered in crap
As Wullie explained how he'd bypassed the trap
He took off a shoe and stuck it in the gap
The elephant barely disturbed from it's nap
And Wullie allowed the old fakir to share
The treasure of silver and golden coins there
And after they'd finished he removed with care
The brown winklepicker a mystery nae merr!