The Odd Brown Shoe of Wullie McGrew Way down in the alleys of old Katmandu Lived a dirty Glaswegian named Wullie McGrew And he baffled the the natives and fakirs he knew With his odd winklepickers, one brown and one blue And though he was questioned by foolish and wise About his odd footwear, he told them no lies He said "It's ma secret" to answer their cries Glaswegian behaviour, they had to surmise So the foolish behaviour of Wullie McGrew Became common knowledge, and everyone knew That he went for a walk every night at half two In his odd winklepickers, one brown and one blue But at last, overcome with the smell of our man The head of the village concocted a plan He would follow old Wullie to see where he ran "I'll find out his trick if I possibly can" So later, the gleam of the silver moonlight Revealed the mad Scot making off in the night Through the forest went Wullie to left and to right And behind him the fakir kept him in his sight But soon Wullie stopped by the banks of a stream And there in a cave was a glittery gleam More silver and gold than the fakir could dream Lying there for the taking, or so it would seem He waited to see what old Wullie would do With his odd winklepickers, one brown and one blue But then fog came upon him, he couldn't see through And when it had lifted he still had no clue But Wullie had gone and the treasure was there So the fakir went in to the glittery lair But a trap had been laid with the utmost of care An elephant's arse hung six feet from the stair And as the old fakir went into the store The elephant's arse give a terrible roar And ten tons of diarrhoea fell to the floor And soon the old fakir could take it no more Then soon when the deluge had petered a bit He crawled out from under the world's biggest shit And then he heard laughs from the mouth of the pit As Wullie McGrew luaghed himself to a fit The fakir was puzzled and covered in crap As Wullie explained how he'd bypassed the trap He took off a shoe and stuck it in the gap The elephant barely disturbed from it's nap And Wullie allowed the old fakir to share The treasure of silver and golden coins there And after they'd finished he removed with care The brown winklepicker a mystery nae merr!